Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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