I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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