So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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