I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
