i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
