I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
