Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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