I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
