you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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