the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
