im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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