i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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