I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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