yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
