im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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