This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
