So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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