some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
