I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
