I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
