Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
