So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
