if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
