He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
