her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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