you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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