I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
