pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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