Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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