Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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