the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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