Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is Oprah even human
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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