just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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