dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
