I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
