Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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