i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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