i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
