I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize