so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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