people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he thought i was a dude.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
