Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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