it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
