Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
