trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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