Just took my morning after pill in the library
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize