you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
