I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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