it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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