fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
