i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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