We won't sleep together?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
