Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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