PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
