So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
