is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
