I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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