to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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