I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think your dad took our porno
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
