I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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