Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
