see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
