I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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