I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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