last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
