If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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