I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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