Kiss
Puke
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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