Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
