I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize