Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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