is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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