My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
