im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
